Becoming

 I want to become more

more than what I have been or perhaps will ever be

I want to spill out of these confines of skin and bones

and mingle with the rain and the snow just like how the wind does

 

I want to become more

than this world will ever understand

or will ever be able to define as something other than a surplus or abundance

I want to become more than a mere contrivance

 

I want to become more

in ways that a spark ignites an idea of an everlasting dream

in ways that the pause between each of my breaths tells me,

it is the understanding of the little deaths between living that is liberating

 

I want to become more

than the formless thoughts that arise in my mind

that come into existence in the form of the words

rolling out of my mouth

 

I want to become more than the colour of my skin

and the history I have carried so long within

a story about reckless struggles and scars

from the battles, I could never win

 

After all the days of comings and goings

years of pondering

I tread upon the crisp white snow

of this strange land

where

  I

   learned

    how

     to

      measure

       joy

        and

         sorrow

          with coffee spoons

 

just like everything else is measured and meted out

 

This land where the trees are so tall

that sunlight hardly ever reaches your heart

this land where I am always going round in circles

and coming back to the spot where I first started

This strange and distant land

this hinterland of my very own making

                                                                  - y.l.l

*artwork by Kelly Vivanco